Simple Life Here I Come!

As I reflect back on it, growing up in rural Ashland, Ohio wasn't so bad after all. I lived on a dead end street consisting of about 14 homes absent of nearby parks, walking paths, community pool or clubhouse and of course no HOA. Yet somehow as I compare myself and the then kids around me I'm certain that I was more enriched, responsible (in most ways), had waaaay more common sense than any kid that I've had the pleasure of being around nowadays plus I managed to have a few bucks in my pocket most of the time from picking apples and baling hay for the farmer down the road. Generally, I was pretty content and happy. How the heck could that be the case?! I mean, all the crap we have at our disposal now is supposed to keep us entertained, happy and content right? So why are we so discontent as a nation? Why are we so bitter and angry? Why are we so shallow? Okay, okay, I know you've heard this same rant before but you haven't heard it from me because I've been too busy with important things like Facebook and various other avenues that keep me distracted from my own true reality.

The first thing some of you will think when reading this is "I'm not bitter and angry, nor am I shallow or discontent" and I hope that is true for you (and I promise I won't tell you that you're in denial or lying to yourself) but as for me I somehow became that guy. 

Here's how it happened (I think). When I was a young kid my family wasn't poor by any means but my Dad was a bonafide cheapskate so we did without things like TV, fancy vacations, theme parks, going out to eat, (except for the local Burger Chef for 25 cent hamburgers) until I was old enough to use guilt tactics to manipulate them into giving me these things. As I came into my teens I was able to manipulate them into a TV, name brand clothes and lots of sweet cars (family was in the car biz). Looking back, the more "cool stuff" I got the unhappier I became. I evolved into a self-centered ass with serious entitlement issues but I was ignorant to what was happening to me. The older I got the more insatiable my appetite for "stuff" became, so I fed it and fed it, ignorant to the self-destruction I was setting myself up for. 

But now that I'm older and wiser I'm all better now, have it all figured out and no longer need or want "stuff" to make me happy. The End. 

Crap! I just remembered that some of you reading this actually know me and would certainly dare to call me a big f'in liar. So here's the reality. I've tried (and succeeded to a very small degree) to curb my "stuff" appetite but the damage is done. I'm jaded, ruined and broken beyond reasonable repair. So now my plan is to overcompensate by moving to somewhere in Central America sometime in the next 10 years and give the world and all it's "stuff" the finger. I don't need your fancy cars, you're humongous 3D TVs and media rooms, pools, vacations, designer clothes, 4g smart phones, etc. All I need is a simple oceanfront house on the beach, a boat for fishing (I need to eat right?) a jeep or maybe a Hummer because the terrain is mountainous in some areas (also to pull my boat) and a cell phone so I can still check my email and call my family now and then. Of course I'll need Internet capabilities for my phone/email and if I'm going to have that I might as well have an Xbox for rainy days right? An Xbox is worthless without a TV so I'll just get a modest 42" HD LCD. But now that I have the TV and Xbox I have full access to Netflix and all the movies I could ever want! Also, I've read that having a full time maid (mamacita) cost's only a couple bucks a day so I'll be happy to help the natives by providing one of them full time employment in my home, that's the least I could do for such poor and needy people right? I wonder if they have sushi there? Life is going to be so much better! The next 10 years can't go fast enough! Simple life, here I come!